Wes McKane's Blog

Who They Are: Who they are isn’t as important as what they do. And that would be: crying, laughing, vomiting, passing out in a bath tub, threatening you, threatening inanimate objects, making out with inanimate objects, trying to bring road kill to an animal shelter, evacuating their bladder everywhere but the toilet and then giving you a paltry “sorry about bein’ wasted” the next day that doesn’t…quite…cut it.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “Yay! I’m gonna be sick!”

 

Who They Are: The friend or new acquaintance that never lets you know how they feel about you…until alcohol makes its evening debut in their bloodstream.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “I love you, man.” -and- “No, you don’t understand; I LOVE YOU MAN.” -or- “You’re the best, I love you… what’s your name again?”

 

Who They Are: People who are still children inside that laugh too much, eat too much, screw around too much and smoke too much when they drink.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “Screw You Screw YOU fire hydrant!”

 

Who They Are: The person that decides that they want to do anything with anyone anywhere anyhow, right now.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “Let’s do things!”

 

Who They Are: Usually someone who shows up to the party alone and tries to make friends by awkwardly bringing weird, personal conversational fodder into already thriving conversations about not weird, personal stuff.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “Sometimes my cats and I put on puppet shows for my other cats.”

 

Who They Are: Someone that is most likely a sarcastic jackwad in real life who turns into what their sarcasm is covering up in the first place.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “Come at me, bro.”

 

Who They Are: No matter how drunk this person gets you can barely tell, apart from a little extra rosiness in their cheeks.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “Good evening officer. I must apologize for my friends, they’re just in a good mood and that is why their revelry has caused them to remove that manhole cover.”

 

Who They Are: Your drunk friend that admits a whole bunch of stuff to you that you wish you didn’t know.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “I hate that chick but I want to marry her so bad.” Then he keys his marriage proposal into the side of her car.

 

Who They Are: Some random dude who is so super friendly that he offers ridiculous things that he probably won’t remember offering 5 minutes after.

 

·        Can Be Overheard Saying: “Dude, just tell Vladimir that ‘The Minion’ sent you and he’ll practically pay you to take that ATV off his hands.”

 

 

 

You'll probably be hitting the mall at least once in the next few weeks. So here's a list to totally GROSS YOU OUT. It's the eight most germ-filled spots at the shopping mall, according to "Health" magazine.

 

 

#1.) The Bathroom Sink. It's the dirtiest place in the bathroom because it never dries out, which helps bacteria grow. And after someone uses the toilet, the first thing they touch is the faucet.

 

 

--They also say the soap dispensers are pretty disgusting. One in four contained unsafe amounts of bacteria. But since you touch the dispenser right before you wash your hands, it's not as big a deal.

 

 

#2.) The Tables in the Food Court. Even if you see an employee wipe it down, there's no way to know how clean the RAG is. If they've been using the same one all day, the rag itself can spread bacteria like E. coli.

 

 

#3.) The Escalator Handrails. If you touch one then touch your face, it's like ASKING to get the flu. One research group tested escalator handrails, and found E. coli, urine, mucus, feces, and BLOOD.

 

 

#4.) ATM Keypads. Researchers in China tested 38 ATMs in a busy city center, and found that each key contained an average of 1,200 germs. And the dirtiest key was the "Enter" button.

 

 

--The best way to avoid the germs is to use hand sanitizer afterward. And instead of hitting the buttons with your finger, use your knuckle. Germs on your fingertips are much more likely to eventually end up in your mouth.

 

 

#5.) Toy Stores. Thousands of kids touch thousands of toys, and leave behind millions of germs. Unfortunately, you can't do much about it while you're in the store . . . other than use hand sanitizer when you leave.

 

 

--But if you BUY something, you can be extra careful and wipe it down with alcohol or vinegar before you give it to your child.

 

 

#6.) Fitting Rooms. The rooms aren't actually the problem. The CLOTHING is. When people try things on, skin cells and sweat accumulate on the fabric. And both of those things help bacteria grow.

 

 

--You don't have to worry about shirts and sweaters as much. But before you try on a pair of pants or a dress, make sure you're wearing FULL-COVERAGE underwear. In other words . . . no thongs.

 

 

#7.) The Gadgets at Electronics Stores. Display items you can touch . . . like cameras and cell phones . . . are absolutely COVERED in germs.

 

 

--And a study published last year found that viruses transfer extremely easily between the glass screens on electronics, and our fingertips.

 

 

#8.) Makeup Samples. A 2005 study found that at least 67% of make-up 'testers' are contaminated with bacteria, including staph, strep, and E. coli.