Are you surprised men worry about this stuff in relationships?
by Wes McKane,posted Jun 5 2013 8:31AM
WHAT TO TALK ABOUT ON DATE NIGHT
If your guy is failing to initiate a good old-fashioned, pick you up, take you to dinner date night at least once a month, it may not be out of laziness. Even if you’ve been together for years, there is a pressure on date night that just isn’t there when you’re watching TV at home together. Your guy has to remind you why he’s charming, interesting and entertaining. He has to bring his best self to the table, and if he’s been in a relationship for a long time, he may be rusty.
THAT HIS GIFTS AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH
If you, even in the slightest way, criticize or tease a gift he gives you, he instantly gets into defensive mode. He seems angry, he tells you you’re ungrateful, but what it really is is his insecurity. Men actually worry a lot about getting you a gift that you’ll enjoy—one that is romantic, thoughtful and useful. Do his poor ego a favor and gush over the frog earrings he bought you.
THAT YOUR BEST FRIEND LIKES HIM
He’ll tell you he doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him, and that your friends can take him or leave him and that you’re the only one whose opinion matters, but that’s not true: he wants your BFF on his side. He knows that if she likes him, she’ll be the one pulling you away from a swarm of men hitting on you at a bar.
THAT YOU’RE GETTING BORED IN BED
Women feel so much anxiety to be kinkier, more exciting, more adventurous, more seductive—you name it—in bed, but men have all the same fears! Think about simply the titles of feature stories on women’s magazine covers they walk by, “How to be a Goddess in the bedroom” “100 new positions to try this summer!” As far as men can see, women are privy to every single thing about sex. And they need to catch up.
THAT HE’S NOT ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH
Men absolutely feel the same pressure to look good that women do. While they may know that having money can and often does get an average looking man a woman, that doesn’t mean that average looking man isn’t trying desperately to work off that pudge, get that hair-growth product to kick in action, and have that acne-scar cream work wonders. Look: men adore women. They think we’re gorgeous. They don’t see any of the little things we fret about. They’re too busy worrying about their own insecurities.
THAT YOU CAN’T SEE YOURSELF MARRYING HIM
If you’re a confident, independent, unique woman who has her own life, any guy you date will worry about what place he holds in your thrilling, fulfilling life. Sure, there are women out there who simply live for their men and have no lives of their own—their boyfriend’s don’t worry about whether or not they’ll marry them. But independent women intimidate men, making them wonder, “Does she even need a husband?”
THAT YOU’RE SILENTLY UNHAPPY
Let’s face it: women can be martyrs. It’s in our nature as maternal beings to take on the pain and struggles of others—to spend our own energy on the happiness and improvement of other people. And for this reason, we can forget to ask, “But am I getting anything out of this?” And men get that. You say you’re happy going with him to all his work functions because he needs the moral support, and skipping girls night to listen to his stresses but he wonders—are you?
THAT YOU THINK HE’S UNACCOMPLISHED
A man’s career and financial success is one and the same with who he is. If a man’s career isn’t going well, he feels incompetent and insecure in all areas of his life. There’s little you can do about this besides praise him for his accomplishments regularly. But men will always worry that they could be trying harder and doing more in your eyes.
THAT YOU WISH HE HAD MORE MONEY
Ask most men, and they’ll say they don’t see anything wrong with a woman wanting them to have money. Men just don’t think this is superficial. In fact, they find it totally reasonable. Even if you’re fine with eating at Chipotle on date night and shop at Ross, he wants to treat you, and can’t help but worry that you want to be treated more.
THAT HE’S NOT WELL SPOKEN
Guys can have a funny way of talking, especially around their boys. They become kids around their friends, using weird phrases, lots of dirty language and all around the vocabulary of kindergarteners. Women tend to make a point of being well spoken in all situations, and that intimidates your man.
THAT YOU DON’T LIKE HIS CLOTHES
When you tease his old t-shirt, he stubbornly holds onto it and says you just don’t understand it. But you’ll probably notice he doesn’t wear it around you again. In fact, you’ll probably notice he went out and bought four more of that one shirt you did say you liked. Deep down, he cares that you like his wardrobe. He knows when he is well dressed, you feel proud to walk around with him.
THAT YOU COMPARE HIM TO OTHER MEN
Women may be more openly envious of one another, but that doesn’t mean men aren’t constantly sizing one another up. Next time your guy says, “What a douche” about some guy he bumps shoulders with at the bar, you can bet he thinks that “douche” has a better set of arms/bank account/head of hair/clothes.
THAT YOUR FRIENDS ARE BAD-MOUTHING HIM
Notice how much he criticizes all the gossiping you and your friends do? It’s because deep down, he knows that gossip turns to the subject of him sometimes. And he knows your friend’s opinions mean a lot to you.
THAT HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT YOUR CAREER
If you’re a hardworking, ambitious woman, your guy wants to support your career in any way he can. But it’s a daunting task! When you vent about work stress, do you want him to give you advice, or just listen? Is he doing a good enough job listening? Does he need to study up on your industry? Should he be giving you flyers he sees on classes that would enhance your work? He thinks about all of this.